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by Bill Perkins
Dear Compass:
My 34-year-old son got married at 19. His wife cheated on him throughout their 8-year marriage. They were divorced some years ago. He has been dating a very nice Christian girl for over a year now who is also divorced with 2 kids. He told me he can't get married because of Matthew 5:31. Please help!
Confused
Dear Confused:
Your son is incorrectly understanding and applying scripture. He needs to frame his understanding and study through a dispensational view, which will easily clear up the perceived problem.
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John were accounts of Jesus' time on the earth when He was addressing the Jews who were living under the Mosaic Law. Many times Jesus said things to the Law-bound Jews that do not apply to Believers living in the Church Age.
In this case, Paul, speaking to Believers in the Church Age, said to love your spouse as Christ loved the Church.
Eph. 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Since Christ would never divorce the church, we should never divorce our spouses. We have God’s Holy Spirit in us and can “do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.” We can’t, but God can.
1Cor. 7:10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave [divorce] her husband
Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
But, knowing that Believers are sinful, he also said: If you do divorce, try to solve the problem and remarry.
1Cor. 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband),
However, if you can’t reconcile, and fall in love with another Believer, it is better to marry than to burn in lust.
1Cor. 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
And to top it off, God says through Paul, if you DO marry after divorce, you have not sinned.
1Cor. 7:28a But if you marry [after divorce], you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries [for the first time], she has not sinned.
So if reconciliation is not possible, and God brings two Believers together, they should get married for better or worse—and mean it this time.
However, he needs to understand that his first divorce was wrong. As a Believer, he's been forgiven, as has the girl he’s dating, but it’s important to recognize this fact before going into marriage again.
He should not divorce his wife if she commits adultery (again, the difference between the instructions to Israel and instructions to us in the Church Age). Even in a Biblically centered marriage, there will be problems. But it’s how you deal with them that make the difference. Quite frankly, it's rare that a woman divorces her husband who is loving her like Christ loves the Church.
So they should not get married again unless they are willing to do it God’s way, not man’s. There are no circumstances that allow for divorce in the Church Age that do not grieve the Holy Spirit. And there are no problems that God can’t solve.
Any husband today must be willing to constantly work hard to mature in his Biblical understanding to be the spiritual leader with a Biblically balanced view of love, God and his wife.
A wife today must be passionately willing to follow her husband's lead, to always respect him even when he fails, knowing God uses failure more often than success to shape a man as a Biblical leader.
In summary, if your son doesn’t get his spiritual life in order, he could very well fail again or have an unfruitful marriage.
1Cor. 7:28b Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
More info:
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In this section are pictures without links... just interesting headlines or charts ... sometimes from private/paid news sites.